PattyPaige.

2011-11-04T17:45:00.001+08:00

im so proud of myself. look at my nails.(:

2011-11-04T12:04:00.002+08:00

this week. soo busy at work. omggggg. like i've been going home at 12 ish, 1 ish, or 2 ish. its just crazy la. and finally today is my off day. im going to paint my nails.

2011-10-16T08:17:00.003+08:00

you know, i really do care about what people say about me. but now i only want to care about what the people i love say about me. i am so glad my kevin and i are so good. in fact, we're great. there is nothing we don't share with each other. though now is a bit hard cause he's in taiwan. but hes coming back soon. one day before my birthday. so exciting.

anyways, who cares about the rest of the people who do not matter? thats like 750 people on my fb.

no la, actually i dont know. (okay now im really wondering the number but i gotta get to work soon la.)

friend x and i met up for a smoke at my workplace. sshe came when i was feeling all distressed from the job.

a smoke break was much needed.

i feel loved and i feel like i can trust her again. we talked about it. about what happened. whats beeen happening. its good. life is good. God is good. all is well in the world of pat.

Death

2011-10-16T07:20:00.003+08:00

I dreamt that i was walking with two of my friends into golden village in Yishun. and at the shop which is now the dessert shop at GV, was this very nice clothing shop. i dreamt of this place before. there was an stairwell. the sign said that there was a sale. i was in that sale in another dream. i had hoped the sale was still on. but when my friends and i got up, it was empty.

It was a big space of parquet floor. and a boy sleeping on the floor. he woke up in shock of seeing people and we asked him about the sale. he said it was over already. we saw another room and th door was slightly ajar. must've been the boy's mom looking after, feeding the grandmother.

we hung out at that stairwell. talking about drunk times. then suddenly it was so many of us. all my friends. the people i love, know, more of them, at that stairwell. then we realised that it started to rain. we continued to talk. then it started to flood. i realised it. the water was at the level just before us. i wanted to call my mother. but then the boy led us into the big hall. we lit candles. it was suddenly quiet. we realised thhat it was flooding. someone said to go cook something so a couple of my friends went to what it seems to be my kitchen. apparantly i had a new washing machine, a bathtub and a new pretty heater which i didnt know about.

then since now i was at home, i went to my moms room. she was there. sleeping. i hung with my friends. she woke a few times. i was wondering why she didnt come out. i went in to check on her. and she told me that when she was very young, she found two moles. if she did anything to it when she was younger, she wouldve passed. and now she realised that its getting bigger and bigger and she thinks is cancer. she wants to go to the library and sit and read the bible sometime. she was crying and i cried and said i would go with her. i hugged her so tight in my dream.

in reality, my mom and i rarely hug. but i do love her. i feel soo sad. my 6 day work week job isnt helping. i need more time with my family. my grandparents.

i am so afraid of death. for myself and for my loved ones.

so being so afraid, wouldnt it be psychologically better if we thought we had a bigger, higher power looking after us? so even if there is nothing after this life, we could die in peace. we could just believe in a good life and dying satisfied. yes, it is better to have belief in a God.

but how to start again?

baby please dont go

2011-09-29T10:53:00.004+08:00

we dont usually take pictures in random restaurants. but desperate times call for desperate measures.

So Kevin's left for Taiwan. As if I see him enough already. and now he's gone for three weeks. he won't contact me. urgh! but within this three weeks, im going to get better at driving and do all the things i wanna do. like smoking and tanning and chilling with my ladies during my off day. cause usually i spend my off day with him.

and im getting used to work. i just gotta focus and think through. i havent been thinking for very long. so coming back there is difficult. haha.

i need self control.

and i need my driving license.

i need money.

my boss just implemented the commission thingy this month. so i think il probably get almost $1800. hehh. which is not what a dip is supposed to be getting but lets not ask for too much la uh.

i just need to picture myself driving around the roads in admiralty. picture it and practice in my head. then i will remember the steps to parallel parking.

anyways. i gotta go bathe and eat and get ready for work.

pray nothing goes wrong for me today.

love you all and missing kevin already.

http://youtu.be/MrYCGhbX1pQ

friend x.

2011-07-07T23:06:00.004+08:00

ive got a sneaky friend x. been friends for super long. lost touch. shes sneaky. i dont trust her anymore sadly. she isnt important to me. but i do care for her? i dont know. i think i have decided to stay away. a person who makes me feel that way about myself isnt a good friend. a person who uses information/secrets ive shared with her to let her know that shes not alone, and uses them against me, isnt my friend. and with all that is said, goodbye and see you around friend x.

2011-06-28T07:45:00.001+08:00

2011-06-24T14:56:00.001+08:00

OMG I WANTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT..!!!

(http://partyrockclothing.myshopify.com/collections/swim-wear/products/womens-purple-zebra-bikini)

omg she has celulite! so cool. they still put up. good message.

Working woman.

2011-06-20T23:33:00.003+08:00

first day of work. whoots. tired and still online.

you know what thing where you tell yourself youre going home early and youre sleeping? i say that to myself allll the time. like today. but is it happening? no. it isnt. tsk.

am i going to start this job with negativity or positivity? POSITIVITY. im positive about thatt.

yes. i shall sleep now and be awake at work tomorrow. hows my new layout though, sparklehorse?

2011-06-16T18:09:00.003+08:00

monday will be the first day of work for the 2nd real job of my life. There are so many things i need to buy/pay for. but i guess i just need to earn earn earnnnnnnnn!

cause if i could, id really rather stay at home and slack and have cash and go shopping and party.

but i cant live like that cause i need cash to live. unfortunately.

im not like others who live off their sisters/brothers/parents/whoevers or hide behind God saying he will help me through shit when im not even helping myself.

i know that kind.

im not hiding behind God okay. im just slacking. and i know im slacking. and im getting to work. like next week. yea, i didnt work for 6 months and i slacked like mad. but it was major fun. but would you rather slack for 1/2 a year when youre 22 or slack for 1/2 a year when youre 32? oh wait. some of you are 32 and slacking your whole life. okay, almost 32. aiya, whatever.

i emceed for the pesach thingy and it was disastrous. okay, the welcome was bad but after that i thought i did pretty well. just need to be more wary of what i say and do and think of the crowd-view. more practice = more exposure = more experience. oh. experience. something i lack. according to you. working is a fucking life experience okay. something you only had 3 days of. okay. omg. everything i type reminds me of that. argh. just cant get it out of my head. get out. get out. get out. fuck. okay. out. gosh. i cant believe she thinks shes right. maybe im wrong. but i knowww shes not all right. okay whatever.

june 16. 9 more daays to me and kevin's 2 year 8 month anni. amazing huh.(: hahaha. whoot. bye bye sparklehorseeee!

Can't believe that i'm a fool again

2011-05-27T02:25:00.004+08:00

HA. HA. HA. pats been fooled again.

they didnt break up.

she just wanted me to think that cause she feels weird cause she wanted to cuddle up against other him. omg! and how does she expect me to want to keep in contact with her??? seriously, in anyyy relationship, TRUST is essential. shes broken it a thousand times before. this time round, i was weary. and i had every right to be. fuck it. im taking that shit off fb. and i dont give a fuck about her already. i gave it one more shot. but she fucked it up herself. too bad man. i dont need friends like that. seeriouslyy.

2011-05-26T23:16:00.002+08:00

im really mean to this person cause im super disgusted with myself and this person. okay, we shall name this person "X".

X at first was passionate. X was deep. X understood me so well. i trusted X. but now, X is disgustingly lame, confidant about things X doesnt know. and now just looking at X sickens me to the bone. plus all the stuff i told X, i wish i hadnt now. and i definitely do notttt trust X anymore. Its disgustingly desperate and it pisses me off.

but i cant do anything about it. our lives are intertwined alr. but its going to slowly wear off. and il be glad when it does.

btw, yesterday marked the 31st month that kevin and i have been together. got some things planned for him but so super lazy to start.

(hmm. i think the map thing i do for our 3 year la. but i think i can start planning it alr. during my free time or something. il just get the snacks for him and the paintings and the keychain.

2011-05-12T15:11:00.000+08:00

dear sparklehorse.

after nafa, i reluctantly took a job that i knew to be too hard for me and 5 months later i left. it was a good run. i learnt so many things from there and i alwa

ys kept thinking to myself if i made the wrong decision. like im a pussy. a wuss. who couldnt take the pressure. couldnt focus. had other priorities.

i need a job man.

but this time ive had to myself has really made me think a lot abo

ut the people around me, what i want to do and so many other things.

meeting up with debby again and hanging out after such a long time has made me realise what a fucker i am.

and also realising that some of my friends have super huge issues that have scarred them and they dont realise it. and instead of embracing their problems and working on it, they choose a religion to hide behind. religion can help yes. but God isnt going to give you everything on a silver plate.

thats something ive got to remember for myself as well. jobs wont come easily. i have to keep trying. i wish im like super good at what i do. but i realise i just dont have the eye for it la. i can work on it. yessss. i can. im workng. im workking.

and more people i miss. aprielle marie pritam singh.

where is that woman!? i lost my iphone somemore. dont have her number anymore.

cant even bloody find her on fb. whats up with that mark zuckerwhatever.

i miss chris!

both chrises.

first chris. the chris who said:

and that black homo chris who decided to study.

hjaha. which is a good thing though.

okay. the reason why i was on friendster is cause that fella, roch went in and extracted all his testimonials and posted them in his notes on fb.

that made me kinda wanna go see my old testimonials too.

so i went in and i toootallly read every single note and hmm.

am i pretty? a lot of the people who wrote for me said i was. haha.

i put it on fb and robin said not only am i pretty, i have the "seh" in me.

wth is seh. haha. like drunk? thats what i asked. robin said its the x-factor.

haha. i am a drunkard.

okay. im actually feeling pretty upset after reading that testimonial from chris.

i mean like, isnt he staying just behind me? why dont i ever see him.

i really miss him.

met up with our old friends a few weeksback and they were actually upset with chris cause he totally didnt contact them at all. okay, that one i feel is chicken and egg.

for me, i just miss him. kevin (yes, im still with that handsome boy) says he misses him too. the days when he used to be with andrea and we'd meet under his block or my block or the coffeeshop. eat chicken wings or fries with the mushroom sauce. but we need to move on. stop focusing on people who decide to not be in our lives and focus on people who do.

but its so difficult. everytime i pass his place in the carpark, i look to the window. i feel like a stalker actually. hahaha. i just miss those times la.

i wish i could see what testimonials i wrote for other people on friendster. i know i couldnt have written that fantastic shit cause i always dont know what to say. haha.

im so glad that debby is back in my life and im going to keep it that way. shes going to be sooo sick of me by the time we're both old and wrinkly, shriveled and wobbly!<3<3<3

2011-01-11T19:56:00.002+08:00

okay. leaving q plus is a blessing in disguise?

heres the list of things im going to do:

- wash clothes

- fold clothes

- regularly sweep floor

- tan/swim

- get drivers license

- make sure i get all my purchases back (go post office tmr)

- look for temp job

2010-12-23T01:14:00.002+08:00

dear sparklehorse,

hello. its two days to christmas. i didnt do well in nafa so im working now. at where i did my internship. the agency is called qplus design and we're located at tanjong pagar road.

thats an update for you. how are you? are you tired? id imagine you to be real dusty. im sorry. im cleaning now.

a lot has happened. i kinda hate working.

but you know, that thing between knowing what you must do and not wanting to do it.

well, thats whats happening.

wish i could do an essay now but im really tired.

i just dropped by to say hi.

i really miss kevin. all that nonsense in the beginning of this year and the year before have all disappeared. hes different now. i like this new kevin.(: im really happy with him.

and yes. im still with him.(: 2 years and 2 months this coming christmas.

cheers,

madpatcathat

(thats my new personal sign-off now.)

2010-06-04T17:56:00.002+08:00

is 80% bad for attendance?

i dont get it.

was the skycar really that bad.?

FUCK HANSEN HO

whatever.

nevermind. he was right i guess.

MOVING ON.

i had a strange dream last night.

and next week, im going to paint a wall.

how nice.(:

2010-05-01T19:24:00.003+08:00

butttttt. if you commit suicide, then you cant go to heaven..

cause God gave you life and its not your right to take that away.

Unless you repent at the last second.

so. though i feel sad that this happened, i feel that it is silly and selfish.

over love? maybe the newspaper isnt correct.

2010-04-11T19:47:00.002+08:00

i wanna cry so badly.

omg, im such a lousy person.

my thoughts are soooooooo.. haiya.

i want it butttttt. NO.

2010-04-08T18:23:00.002+08:00

there is a saying, that God will provide.

it may have been easier in the past.

there wasnt much to lose anyway right.

what about now?

leave your family and friends.

submit yourself to the Lord, work for the Lord.

but really, the Lord isnt going to pay you.

but we do it cause God will provide.

i guess it takes a whole lot of trust and faith and willpower to let go of everything just like that for Him.

and times like this, money is something we NEED.

seriously.

like, without money, what food will we eat.

how to pay the rent?

clothes? bills?(hygiene)

i guess handphones, tvs, computers and psps are out of the question.

(i know a priest who owns an iphone kay.)

well, i guess the best we can do now is NOT TO SPLURGE.

cause you never know when a rainy day comes.

a child should never be forced into adulthood.

what if a child forces herself into adulthood?

why make things hard for yourself.

what is the point?

to prove how mature you are?

there are some things some people can do and some things other people cant.

why act like other people and pretend?

what are you trying to prove?

like i said, maturity is not about how you behave or the terrible things you've been through.

its about how you react and handle situations.

2010-03-28T21:34:00.001+08:00

im so tired.

2010-03-20T00:43:00.002+08:00

going through big phases in your life doesnt make you mature.

handling the big phases does.

and he's going to give you more big phases if you keep acting like a secondary school girl who wants to be 25.

the more you fake it, the more immature you look.

so handle them phases with wisdom, understanding and compassion.

not with malice and vindictivness.

clear your mind and find your intention. and question.

and put yourself back in order.

know the line.

try not to cross it.

if you do, come back to this side and dont do it again.

we're here. we may not be ready.

but we can also try.

2010-03-17T19:22:00.001+08:00

Pivot from Pivot on Vimeo.

2010-03-10T17:24:00.001+08:00

how? i just woke up.

friday i need to go school.

there will be no sleeping for me.

2010-03-08T01:39:00.002+08:00

its just that everyday, i put myself in front of my laptop.

and i force myself to do something that is sooo hard for me to do.

then i click on safari and type in www.facebook.com or www.blogger.com or www.twitter.com.

dammit!

2010-03-04T00:27:00.000+08:00

no need for that.

2010-03-02T15:05:00.002+08:00

im a brooder.

i brood on things.

if i dont brood on it, i wont remember it.

thats got pros and cons i guess.

sometimes, i totally blank out.

like go in my own world of self despair.

thats probably why im kind of negative.

im a brooder.

well. its time to stop brooding.

2010-02-28T22:31:00.002+08:00

i just found out how to get all my posts out and have been reading them. nostalgic??

and full of nonsense. hahaha.

my archives arent working, you see.

2010-02-27T14:20:00.004+08:00

this is the entry where i put in names.

kevins sleeing.

hes so cute when he sleeps.

i miss jamie.

i miss jennifer and singing in the choir.

i do not miss aunty monica.

having all the boys in my generation with the name, lay something is lame.

id like to talk to adel soon.

i love my mother.

i think kevins mom is superrr annoying but shes also super nice to me.

neither do i like chris mother.

she scares me and has never really made me feel okay.

but i guess that was because i was dating his son.

i think my phobia of mothers started from there.

marcus mom was quiet.

debbys mom was cool.

i miss debby!

i wonder how those things with her are.

i will meet up with her soon.

my mom thinks debby is selfish.

i think she is too but im kinda selfish also what.

so its okay.

2010-02-24T17:03:00.002+08:00

my heart is beating so fast.

i never thought i could be so angry at someone.

that day was not for clearing up and talking for you.

that day was for you to shout.

felt good, didnt it?

that really showed me how immature you were.

you couldnt even settle it decently.

there is no need for a second chance.

all the niceties will be removed.

i was going to type of wonder and question.

but i think now that ive seen some things, no.

there is no need for friendship.

i need to focus on my FYP.

it really hurts to think someone ive known for so long isnt what i thought he was.

i really try to think otherwise but it is very hard.

2010-02-09T17:26:00.002+08:00

it angers me but i will not stoop down to her level.

it hurt me to think that someone would think of me like that.

it makes me wonder why did she not approach me but let it bottle up in herself like that.

it hurts me more to think that he'd not do anything about it.

that'd he would give in to her and let her do whatever she wants.

i miss him. besides corrinne and joanne, he's the person i know the longest and care for very much.

kevin has been very supportive. he is, howeverrr, getting pretty annoyed with my questions whenever im not around for something. i will try. yes i will. but not what you wanted me to do that day at that girls birthday. no.

i will push all childish thoughts out of my head and move on.

i have more important things in my life.

like FYP.

maybe melvin will have some advice for me.

2009-12-22T22:31:00.001+08:00

die die die.

them three, they look alike man.

i know my kind.

this is my kind.

this shouldnt be happening.

QUIT.

2009-11-25T14:48:00.003+08:00

this blog is meant for me to vent my frustrations.

they are mostly frustrations.

1% of my life is in here.

the other 99% which consists of happiness is being lived to the absolute fullest is not recorded here.

i am, however, extremely content and very happy with my life.

and i love kevin.

~~and i just shat in my pants~~

2009-11-17T03:42:00.002+08:00

hello there.

this is one time in a very long time i am going to blog about, NOTHING.

like, those kind of people who blog everyday and like, "today i this and that" .

boring!

but yes, it is very boring.

ive just done my online portfolio.

very lazy to create a print one.

will do that this week.

go sunshine plaza and print all.

oh and gotta email eugene about job! yay.

THIS IS A VERY BORING ENTRY.

its not eve kevin-initiated.

ive been waiting for this time of the year.

why is it like this?

CAUSE ITS BEEN RAINING.

how to suntan like that?

2009-11-13T16:41:00.002+08:00

eh. seriously. control your bitch.

so self absorbed she doesn't think before she TYPE.

and you can have all the time in the world to think before typing.

i hope they break up soon.

2009-11-11T11:13:00.002+08:00

i am very afraid. yesterday was one of the best nights ever.

and i realise how very much influened we are by movies and television series.

not saying i didnt know before.

im saying, how much.

i watched "How I Met Your Mother".Barney and Robin broke up.

very nicely.

i started thinking, what if Kevin and I broke up.

Then, I watched gossip girl.

biggest shock of my life when olivia, dan and vanessa did a effing threesome.

wth?

Then, i started thinking, what if kevin and i did a threesome with some other girl.

I'd get jealous, no?

Seriously, right now, if i saw Kevin kissing another girl...

I'm not lesbian or anything.

but wouldn't it be an experience we should try before we die?

I remembered that awesome night and i really don't want to share that with anyone.

Then what if it was two guys and a girl?

I don't think i want to see anyone else's australia.

Another very influential movie is "Borat", my goodness.

I find myself a little annoyed when my friend give that accent and say "very nice" or "high five" but at that point in time, its just so fitting to say it. its funny.

i am a very confused person.

oh, and i found another friend who is a very good person.

i hope he finds what hes looking for.

the girl will be very lucky to have him.

hes smart, charming and good-looking.

youd think it wouldnt be hard for him.

but hes picky.

in a good way.

hes like hatsuee.

he just so reminded me of hatsuee.

i miss hatsuee.

my fellow alto.

i miss choir.

but i dont miss the time spent there.

i love my saturdays.

and i so very love kevin.

so enough of this breaking up and threesome thoughts.

enough of mr hatsuee.

Serena must stop seeing Trip Van Der Bilt.

He is a married congressman.

1130, i need to get ready for my presentation.

what do i say in those 5 mins? i dont know.

i may screw it up.

its different when you're alone.

not with your group mates.

i am so very afraid.

i am not doing well in school.

and with my GPA, i cannot hope for a degree course.

i will find out more on that.

toodles, sparklehorse.

2009-10-29T22:55:00.002+08:00

excellent. now i have to research on normal cars, eco cars and all the other types of cars out there.

then i add eco to this flying one, re-design the outside and thats done.

next, is that the solution? whats the problem?

or, no solution or problem, its a hey-check-this-out! thing. so pay us to come sit in it for 30 mins with a tour round sentosa!

so besides posters and ticket stubs, what do you do?

- newspaper clipping.?

looks like i totally forgot about my sparklehorse.

youve always been around. and i only notice you when i need you.

i wanna go for the camp. but its the 29th and i fear time may not be too kind.

im more stressed than ive ever been in weeks.

which is a good thing.

2009-10-22T00:06:00.002+08:00

aww, guys. seriously.

you're just too sweet.

stop it.

youre smothering me.

thanks so much for wishing me.!

i love yall! even though you guys only saw it on facebook.

officially the worst ever i think.

i think its the second one.

hopefully, this sunday isnt like this.

i have very high hopes. but im trying to put it aside and forget them.

its very difficult.

and hes sleeping.

hes always sleeping.

but he tried but its just not good enough.

i kind of want out. but. i dont.

and quite a few times i peed in the school toilet without locking by cubicle.

the shock of peoples faces as well as my imagined shocked face in my head is hilarious yet, cause its me, outrageously embarrassing. i need t concentrate on what im doing and get my head out of the clouds.

2009-09-11T00:09:00.002+08:00

10 months into the relationship.

its surprisingly long.

and strangely enough, im behaving like a secondary school kid.

i know it but i cant stop it.

its driving me insane.

i tried to see of he'd miss me if i didnt mg him for a few days.

it worked.

but only because he knew i was upset with him.

this time, he doesnt know.

very subtle.

i tried to not contact him.

its sooo hard.

and hes definitely not finding this as hard as how im finding it to be.

fuck.

this means he wins and i lose.

and the line above this means ive been watching too much HIMYM.

those guys are retarded man.

anyhoo, im finding it real tough and hes out having fun like how he always is.

i need fun.

he was supposed to be my fun.

no, ive decided.

im gonna get a bunch of girls and go friggin clubbing.

yea.

clubbing.

yea right.

man, i dont have friends for this. i need to get drunk with a bunch of people.

thatll really confirm get him to miss me like fuck.

maybe a bunch of hot guys.

oh, another, yea right.

me, hot guys.

the only hot guy i talk to is him la.

and hes not even way way wayyyyy hot.

know what i mean.

i wish i was able to control myself.

make him want me soo damn bad.

even back then, hes just way too cool about it.

and probably because im such a slut about this.

ARGH.

i will control myself.

im not even gonna call him tmr.

humpft.

2009-08-27T17:46:00.000+08:00

5 fucking days.

dont make me feel like an idiot la.

why have i been feeling like this?

missing you so much.

its for you to study what.

and everytime, youre sleeping, helping with papers, or whatever.

everything except studying.

okay la, you studied for like one day la.

then i dont really have to not see u for a whole week right?

i dont have to feel how i feel now right?

conclusion.

there was no point of me forcing myself not to meet you.

you werent even studying.

and you still arent mising me.

besides that one msg.

not missing me enough.

and i know.

because YOU DIDNT CALL ME FIRST.

2009-08-13T16:02:00.001+08:00

if you received an email form Shopping Lifestyle and my name is somehow in it. that is the reason why. HEE HEE HEEE. i sent it to everyone in my contact list. can you imagine, if i winnnn?? il be the happiest person on earth.

2009-07-25T13:58:00.002+08:00

aye harrrlo.

you think farrrrrrnnny ah.

our last year and you give us one shit ass teacher for the module i wanna major in.

thanks ah.

i really need to pass man.

FUCK.

2009-07-21T00:32:00.001+08:00

like wow.

2009-07-19T23:14:00.000+08:00

WHAT THAF-

WHYYYYYYYYYYYY????

you need a fucking lesson and im going to give it to you.

2009-07-03T21:56:00.002+08:00

you are some kind of wonderful.
in my eyes, perfect.
and with my arms around you, comfortable is just a word that grazes the tip of the tippest, toppest tiniest ice molecule of an iceberg.
youre the best thing ive ever encountered.
but,
no but.
isnt there a word stronger than wonderful and comfortable?

ive finished my internship.

i gladly take that two weeks for rest, play and preparation for the year ahead with the hope that maybe i will be able to do extremely well and secure myself with a job that will be my career. perhaps, a year later, i can take my degree at the school again. with all these in mind, i shall rest now for this year will be a busy year.

IM GOING TO THE BEACH TO SWIM AND TAN.

I AM GOING TO LOOSE WEIGHT BY RUNNING.

IM GOING TO DRINK MY TWO WEEKS AWAY. I AM GOING TO WAKE UP LATER THAN 9AM EVERYDAY.

IM NOT GOING TO TANJONG PAGAR ON A RAINY DAY EVER AGAIN.

IM WATCHING EVERY MOVIE I WANT TO WATCH.

AND I WILL BUY MY HEADPHONES, MP3 PLAYER, THUMBDRIVES AND FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO MY THREADLESS TEES.

IM GOING TO BUY KEVIN MORE TEES SO HE HAS MORE TEES TO CHOOSE FROM.

and i want to go on a holiday somewhere with my friends but we all know that is a bit difficult.

2009-06-24T16:13:00.001+08:00

i know why i am so distracted.

i need to smoke.

im going to buy a pack later.

A FULL PACK.

one im going to smoke all by myself.

2009-06-10T14:01:00.001+08:00

i love him.

this is a package deal.

take it or leave it.

im taking it. thank you.

you want one?

sorry, limited edition.

only one of its kind.

and hes mine.

no sorry, cannot lend.

NO.

mine.

haha.

2009-06-05T21:50:00.003+08:00

the camp was great.

fathers sessions were in the morning though.

it was very hard to stay awake.

but when i was listening, it was pretty interesting.

the singing sessions were okay.

joanne and i alr knew everything.

so it was kinda boring for us.

the games were fun as well.

i guess.

the food was better than last year, unexpectingly good.

and,

THE FREEDOM WAS AWESOME.

but im not very happy now.

WHO WANTS TO GUESS WHY.

2009-05-31T03:02:00.003+08:00

okay so pesach was good.

but im so fucking deep into this relationship that i think if we broke up itd hurt so bad, itll be like the fruits that go into the maxwell fruit juice seller uncles blender.

i am just so fucking upset now.

i just cant wait to hear his excuse in person and then go like, 'ohhhh right. yea. couldnt be helped. why am i so upset over this?'

you know what.

this whooole thing upsets me.

FULLSTOP.

dont ask why.

i am upset.

ive BEEN upset.

now ask why.

why do you keep doing this?

youve got the record of making me the most upset anyones ever made me.

congrats.

also for the most number of times youve made me upset.

seriously deserve a oscar for this.

but oh, the happiest times are with you as well.

how is that so?

you make me extremely happy.

but yet at times, unhappy.

just like what jen told natasha about choir,

either youre in fully, or youre out.

so.

ARE YOU IN OR OUT?

2009-05-13T23:46:00.002+08:00

dear sparklehorse,

it was a normal day for me.

i got stuck in the mrt for 30 mins and thought i was going to die.

then i waited for another 30 mins to get unto another train to yishun from yck.

i left work at 6.15pm at tanjong pagar and reached church at 815.

wasnt that wonderful?

i was soo quiet at work.

actually, im ALWAYS quiet at work.

and i let choir be my outlet of hyperness.

i think the old foggies are dying because of me.

im glad to be alive.

im so exxagerating.

i didnt think i was going to die la.

no.

hurrhurr.

2009-05-10T01:01:00.000+08:00

all you have to do is tell me.

its so simple.

aren't i important enough to you?

2009-05-01T02:01:00.002+08:00

im dead tired.

my brain hurts but i cat sleep.

cause two of the most important people in my life decided to forget to msg me back.

and waiting annoys me.

LIKE HELO?

arent i important enough to you?

way to make me feel good.

like today wasnt bad enough alr.

and YOU knew it.

you knew cause you ruined it in the morn.

thought you could make it better in the evening?

you make it worse cause then i could see you for? 20 mins?

and then watch you leave. again.

not what i want, no, sorry.

and forgetting to msg me back makes me feel soooo loved.

im sorry im so insecure.

maybe you could pass me the scotchtape?

oh, i have to get it myself.

i cant reach the top shelf.

dont you get it.?!

and you. purposely making people wait?

goodness.

i dont even know how to put it.

and whyyyyyyyyyy why did i let myself slack.

why did i put myself in the situation im in now.

do you think you seriously care for me like i care for you?

i dont think i want to get deeper into this if i know you dont.

cause it seriously feels like you dont.

and i dont like what im feeling.

so forget it.

itll be worse later on anyway.

(but we all know this is going to change in the morning ey.)

2009-04-28T00:04:00.002+08:00

THE ADVENTURES OF CUPBOARD BOY

On this oh-so-perfect day, Cupboard Boy is minding his own business and peeling the skin around his pimples when he hears a sweet young, (a little sore throaty) voice calling out: "oh, dear! Oh my! Help me! My heart is under the sink. (eww) How will i ever love again?"

And at once, cupboard boy runs to the damsels distress. (Theme song starts:"overrrr and overrrrrrr-rr-r*crack*rrrr-rr-rrrr) As he starts his usual: "Never fear! The Cup-" , he stops short. And realizes that love at first sight does exist.

"Oh, Cupboard Boy! My Heart! My Heart!"

"Let me help you. (you're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen)"

"Oh, Cupboard Boy!"

"Don't worry, (Sweet darling) it won't take long (this is my confessions to)."

"Oh, Cupboard Boy!"

"(the crimes of wanting you, badly) Rest assured miss, your heart will be safe."

"Oh, Cupboard Boy!"

And so, Cupboard Boy sticks his head under the sink and found the young ladys heart. But as good as he is, the Cupboard Boy decides to keep it.

"Why, Cupboard boy, is that my heart in your hands?"

"Yes mam. And i would like to keep it. Is that all right?"

"But how will i live then?"

"You can have my heart. For it beats, beats for only you."

"Oh, Cupboard Boy!"

THE END. : D

2009-04-21T21:27:00.002+08:00

im not ready for year 3.

soooooooo, not ready.

2009-04-02T00:28:00.002+08:00

yes yes, hello.

i am soooo not photogenic.

haiyo!

but please, come homw and sleep.

i feel like my mother.

goodness.

im sooo selfish.

i want you all for myself.

i wish we talked more.

i wanna run so that youll chase.

but im afraid that if i run, you may have just woken up in the morning and decided unknowingly to not chase and when you wake up, realise im gone.

no no no.

why am i thinking this.

i really feel like youre drifting away.

its not about doing one wrong move and forgetting all the good.

its the feeling im getting youre going further.

come back here!

NOW.

please?

2009-03-28T01:44:00.003+08:00

hey sparklehorse.

howve you been.

ive missed you.

im sorry for not talking to you for so long.

ive been good.

and bad.

but mostly good.

this is the happiest ive ever been with someone.

and im so glad its him.

everyday i love him more and more.

its like a dream.

im so afraid that things will go wrong.

like, the fact that i see him almost everyday.

im afraid that i will lose interest.

but that fear is only 10%

as ive said.

everyday i love him more and more.

i think ive changed to a different person.

im sooooo not myself.

my before-him self.

i dont wanna lose him.

but these few days..

i feel like we're getting further apart.

he says his feelings havent changed.

mine hasnt.

not much.

im more afraid.

it doesnt feel like he feels the same for me.

but he reassures me that it is the same.

ive never let myself go like this before.

the string may tear.

wheres the scotchtape?

i need more reassurance.

4 hours?!

wow.

i cant believe i actually waited.

i should have gone home iif i knew it was gona happen again today.

no. i take that back. i would have died if we didnt make things right.

i miss him.

i feel like i havent seen him for days.

when last i saw him was like 6 hours ago.

what the hell is happening to me.

i feel so weak and sappy and disgusting.

i hate what hes doing to me.

but i love that hes around.

i love that he gets me, understands me.

i love that hes the way he is, so queer, like me.

ha.

hes so smart.

i love his ugly handwriting.

i love his irregular breathing when he sleeps.

i love the way he laughs.

i love his eyes.

so friggin bigg.

i wish hed be more talkative though.

he doesnt know what to say sometimes.

but hes real fun to be with.

i wish we had all the time in the world.

i wish we could stay together.

i wish we could gooooo on a holiday to som awesome beach resort together.

i wish for a lot of things.

but most of all.

i wish he was here now.

yucks.

what a typical so-in-love post.

fuck.

sparklehorse?!? help?!

2009-02-15T12:54:00.005+08:00

check it outt

I WANT!

http://freshome.com/2007/05/22/someone-that-holds-your-glass-wine/

2009-02-12T11:15:00.002+08:00

long time no see.

yes.

what is it with me and wanting to blog during the assessment time.

assessment time.

one more assessment and il be in year 3.

im starting to realise this may not be exactly what i want to do.

i think illustration, graphic design, advertising.

cancel advertising.

im clearly not a concept kind of person.

illustration?

i definitely cant make it.

graphic design?

SHITTTT.

im so dead.

and i think if i dont want to do this, THEN WHAT DO I DO????

2009-01-18T11:25:00.004+08:00

i wanted to cry so bad.
i realise that we have always taken her for granted.
thinking that she'd always be around to help us.
i guess its about time she left.
it didnt register in my brain until i really saw her coming down the isle.
normally, i dont think shes that pretty.
but shes not ugly either.
like her face is superrr chinese.
but when she was walking down thatttt isle.
wowwwwwwwww.
i never really thought about my wedding.
but now i think i may want to have one like that.
the food, i must have it like that.
the dress.
the people.
it was difficult to sing while trying to control our tears.
we dont normally keep in touch with her.
shes so busy with work as well.
theres this feeling in the air that we may never see her again.
hatsuee! we miss you already! come back to the angelus!

another reason why i could be soo sad is because i miss kevin so bloody much.
but im gonna be seeing him later!
hopefully.
if he wakes up.
but seriously, ive never felt so much so any body in my life.

2008-12-21T16:56:00.003+08:00

all right.
the songs were a little slow.
but it was all right i would say.
i couldnt see her performing when we were in secondary school.
but look where she is now.
haha.
on her way to stardom.
proud of you CORRINNE!

after cafe domus, kevin and i took a cab back to pasir ris.
where i studied a little for my basic theory test which was on the 20th. (yesterday)
then we fell asleep next to each other.
woke up the next day, ate lunch and rushed out of the house for my test.
i had unfortunetly lost the receipt and didnt know which room the test was held in.
soooo i approached the lady at the counter and she was only too pleased to help.
i told her i have a test at 3 and i dont know which room it is held in and she asked:
"sorry mam, 3pm or 3.50pm?"
i was like, shittttt, dont tell me its at 3.50pm cause it was a saturday and i have choir at 4.30pm.
and while i was thinking all this, i may have stared and took a little longer to reply and so the lady at the counter asked for my ic so she could check the timing for me.
so i whipped my ic out and passed it to her.
1 minute later, im walking out the doors of ssdc and calling kevin on the phone.
utterly irked, pissed, irritated and sweating like a pig.
i must have save it wrongly in my phone.
my test is tomorrow.
monday.
22nd.
AND I WILL PASS.
hopefully.

~~sucks when youre not around.~~

2008-12-15T00:23:00.002+08:00

WOW WOW WOW.
no one.
and i repeat, NO ONE.
would everrrrr do that for me.
except maybe my mommy.

should have taken pictures that day.
mr center-parting-aching-legs-love-of-my-life.

but that should me something.
im so selfish, i dont know if I'D do that for anyone.
i WANT to reach that point in my life where i would.
in fact, i want it now.
ive always wanted it.
i unfortunetly had no patience.
and rushed everything too fast.
this time though, things feel a little different.
im trying to be more patient as lessons ive learnt many times before pop in my head and tell me to take it easy.
easy for my brain to think it.
but will my nerves follow my heart or my brain.
that is the question.
so this time, itll be so slow.
snail slow.
chilled.
easy.
have patience.

but im running out of what little patience i have within me.
im going crazy.
a little psycho.
no no no, dont run away.
please please please please please.
dont run away.

2008-12-11T14:13:00.003+08:00

funny how during my assessments, i want to blog about every single detail everyday.
funny how right now, where i have so much free time to go out with my friends and do everything i want to do during my assessments, i have nothing to blog about.
oh. maybe i just have to type something out and everything else will flow, cause..

ever since ive been in NAFA.
im beginning to look at posters, advertisments and commercials all around singapore.
chinese art which was once so boring, now looks very interesting.
i always thought id be a fine artist.
during my first year however, it was plain and clear that i did not have the skill.
hurrhurr.
so i went into another interst.
graphic design.
help me God, im stuck here and i dont know what to do.
i realise, as much as i want to be in that line of business,
it does not seem to want me to be in it.
and i cannot continue being so scared of every single thing.
i feel like rachel from "friends" in the first series, complaining, whining, slacking and very spoilt.
but maybe less popular.
hurr.
i need to be that rachel in the later series, finding a job, getting into the line she wants to be in, blahlblahblah.
maybe i will not do advertising.
maybe not illustration.
maybe just plain old graphic design.
logo making, wall spray-painting, poster creating, magazine or book designing, graphic designer.
and thats in the day.
at night, i am a performer.
nothing too fancy.
just some extra money.
every maybe tuesday night at this certain club in this certain hotel.
well paid, with a band and no stage fright.
the president of United States may join us in the club and my heart will not beat any faster than it should.
yea right.
point is, no stage fright.
i can do this.
i want to do this.
its just having the guts to actually do it.

the stage fright thing?
i shall start with this years christmas caroling.
the graphic design thing?
im gonna start now at http://psdtuts.com/ .
thank you for listening in to pattycakes97.8Fm.
goodbye.

2008-12-08T00:07:00.000+08:00

awesome la.

2008-11-23T22:35:00.002+08:00

dear sparklehorse,
i am sooooo dead.
it seems that my passport started growing legs a rew weeks ago and is still playing hide and seek with me.
i have a few things to say to my passport.
"THIS GAME IS OVER.
COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE!"

2008-11-20T03:26:00.001+08:00

i can play the intro bass line for 'i wanna hold your hand' cover of the beatles from the movie soundtrack 'across the universe'.
(((:
and tommorow, we're going to the zoo.

2008-11-18T01:30:00.002+08:00

remember a few entries ago, i said one of the nights was DAH BOMB?
well.
one big mutha effing mother of all mosquitos laid one huge bomb on me and it exploded.
it seems to still be exploding.
and im well aware of it because every hour or so, i look like im scratching my cheebye cause the effing bite is like on my left inner thigh, one inch away from the doors of heaven.
hello?!
why of all places la.
and no no no.
its not kevin.
it probably was the lesbian queen of all mosquitos.
or maybe the king.
the bite is now the size of my effing PALM.
but more oval shaped.
seriously.
im going for a job interview tomorrow.
please please please.
pray for me that it will be gone by 5pm.
i reaaaaallly dont want to have to scratch the damn thing in front of my future boss.
yes. future boss.
like confirm.
i dont think i even need the interview la.
i probably got the job alr and may start work straight away.
haha.
i bought new clothes all.
but now im damn broke la.

and oh. i had a bad dream this morning.
but thats not a story i want on my blog.
its about kevin but i know it will neverrrr happen to me in real life.
our tupperware is sealed shut.

2008-11-17T15:18:00.000+08:00

NOICE.

2008-11-17T12:36:00.003+08:00

and as i lay on your chest.
i hear the sound of your heartbeat.
your chest heaving as you breathe.
and i close my eyes.
i am so lucky.
i dont feel like a brick.
i dont have to act older.
or more mature.
i can just be myself with you.
i want to spend every night with you.
and fall asleep in each others arms.
and wake up next to each other every morning.

>>>WAH WAH WAH.
EWWWWW, GROOOOSEEEEEEE.
I CANT BELIEVE IM ACTUALLY FEELING THIS.
YUCKS YUCKS YUCKS.
IM SO MUSHY.
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
WHATS HAPPENING?!?!?!?!?!?!?
ARGHHHHHHH.
SAVEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

2008-11-16T14:31:00.002+08:00

last night was DAH BOMB.
whoooo.

but ive had better nights.
the nights i spend lying next to him.
the high i feel when im with him, makes me touch the sky.
last night, i was just floating.
the other nights, my fingers got burnt from the sun.
wont you smother me.

2008-11-13T22:57:00.001+08:00

things im going to do.
1. tanning
2. clubbing
3. drinking
4. up-ping
5. beaching
6. kissing kevin.
haha! illiteration.

2008-11-06T13:30:00.003+08:00

my brain says assessment is coming.

and my heart wants to drink.
want to go for chalets.
wants to club.
wants to go tanning.
wants to go shopping.
wants to go for confirmation camps.

wants to see kevin everyday.
how like that.
so my brain shouts at my heart.
hes saying:" GRAHIC DESIGN! ADVERTISING! DESIGN DRAWING! NO TIME! NO TIME!"

okay okay.
they will shake hands and work together.
i do work now and if and only if i manage to do it all before choir prac on sat,
i shall go to the camp after mass.
sunday i can do a lil bit more.
and monday it will end.
although weds il have to wear nice nice and present.
ohhhhh mannnnnnnnnnnnn.
thats all folks.

2008-11-03T01:39:00.004+08:00

tupperware.
its like finding the right cover.

looks may not be the most important thing.
but it definitely plays a role.
the way he dresses.
the way he carries himself.

this lid cannot fit this tupperware bottom.
but this lid can.
perfectly.

a good looking face for first impression.
after that you look into his character.
he really makes you laugh.
he is sincere.
he really cares for you.

and suddenly you both clique like tupperware.
keeping love stored inside the both of you.

so then one day he goes for BMT.
comes back with an ugly haircut and pimples all over.
and the boy, being a boy.
has no sense at all and scratches and gets scars on his face.

that brand of tupperware is fucking solid.
because the love the lid and the bottom part of the tupperware (i have no idea what its called) had stored did not spoil.
the tupperware is fucking air tight.
and you cant mess with that.

TUPPERWARE.

2008-11-02T16:04:00.002+08:00

cheers to an awesome weekend la howaboutthat guys.
to new funny friends.
and a week old relationship that hopefully would last for years.
its strange.
i feel so comfortable with him.
its like as if we've been together for years and years already.
no no no. we are in the honeymoon period still.
this honeymoon may just last forever.

2008-10-30T13:08:00.003+08:00

shit.
the past is running forward.
its right behind me now.
by tonight, it will grab my arm and make me turn around.
i will look 3 weeks back and find it hard to say what i need to say.
HELP ME.

it is not you i want to hold.
please understand.
i made some things clear to you before already.
do you remember??
this is what i was talking about.
and for this, i am terribly sorry.

eh.
i should compose a song la.
isnt that right, my dear sparklehorse.

2008-10-30T11:29:00.004+08:00

my dear sparklehorse.
check out my best friend chris.
the originality and ingenuity of him.
wahh wah wah.
this is what he said.

(imagine lesters beat boxing in background and midway giggles)
(okay, maybe not giggles.)

"kevin and pat, yo they are together.
now until forever and ever.
when their wedding comes, i wanna be there.
and all il be wearing is my red underwear."

i love him la.
hahahaha.

dear sparklehorse.
this was my best friend chris.
shabooya! sha, sha, shabooya roll call.

2008-10-29T02:46:00.003+08:00

oh my dear sparklehorse,
this is my baby boy.
i thought youd like to meet him.
sprinkle them magic dust.
let him fly with me and maybe we can save the world together.

God bless the person who created skype.

2008-10-26T01:01:00.002+08:00

remember, remember.
the twenty fifth of october.

anyways, randomly looking through my old entries, i found this.
i remember it so clearly.
it actually happened.
haha.

her head lay on the table, her eyes closed and her paper, clean.
bordom creeping into her like the devil creeps into our minds.
the heels of the teachers shoes knock against the cement floor.
you can almost hear echos from the ever silent classroom.
"tock. tock. tock."
three tables away only.
the teacher is getting closer, the heels of her shoe getting louder.
then it stops as the teacher looks at one of her students work.
the first bell rings.
"five minutes left girls. hurry up."
the sound of her teachers voice wakes her up.
five minutes left.
she looked around.
everyone seems to be scribbling madly to finish thier work on time.
not she.
she looked at her blank sheet of paper, shifted it and put her head on the centre of the sheet, closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep.
unfortunetly, she could not.
she started to feel a tingling feeling at her toes.
it spreads to her heels and calf.
her classmates were getting noisy.
all rushing to finish their work.
the second bell rings.
"put your pens down. give me your work and get out."
she opened her eyes.
girls rushed to give the teacher their work, slammed their lockers and students chatted animatedly about what they wrote.
she got up and slipped out of the class, limping from pins and needles.
she put the blank piece of paper in her bag, ready to use for her next class.

2008-10-22T00:26:00.002+08:00

IM MUSHY.
how?
i think im sinking.
no.
im flying.
the wind rushes past my face.
my wings, they keep me high.
im flying.
too high up in the sky.
im afraid.
will the heat from the sun burn me?

2008-10-21T00:36:00.003+08:00

from today onwards,
i have to pay $2.50 at the gym.

from today onwards,
im exactly one year away from being a young adult.
no more a teen.

hey.!
DONT YOU HAVE SOMEHTING TO SAY TO ME.

2008-10-19T13:02:00.001+08:00

guess where.
where where where.
guess guess guess.
yay!
haha.
josh wink is real goood.
last night was aweeeeesoooooooooome.
(((:

2008-10-16T00:50:00.001+08:00

HELLO.
I MISS YOU.
SO FAST RIGHT.
WOWWWWWWWWW.

2008-10-12T14:13:00.002+08:00

OH MY DEAR SPARKLEHORSE.

thump thump.
i like this feeling.
thump thump.
i feel human.

2008-10-07T14:18:00.001+08:00

my mind goes ZOOOOOOM.
but if i dont say it out.
it ZOOOM's right out again.

2008-10-07T02:27:00.005+08:00

hey, great match.
i wanna watch them burn.

some people do not ask.
some people just do.
without a care for another.
where is the love?
'its right here' they say.
yes. the facadical love is right here.
look around you, my dear.
let me ask again.
where is the love??

open your eyes and fucking take a look dammit.
DO YOU FUCKING SEE IT.

you think you went through shit?
no.
you went through nothing.
and if you ever open that fat mouth that matches all too well with your bum.
im just.
going to be so pist off, il cry.
im a wuss. yes.
okay, hows this.
il whack the fats off you.
thats better isnt it.

il force it out from me if i have to.
but il get over it..

OH AND I LOVE JAMIE TOO!!

2008-09-30T01:34:00.006+08:00

MY DEAR SPARKLEHORSE,

i know this is a lot.
but the last few are much more important.
can you work on that first please?
sprinkle them sparkly magic dust.

1. new urban male gymnastics tank top.
2. jamies liquid eyeliner.
3. dickies bag.
4. crucifix and chain.
5. guitar capo.
6. grey and black leggings.
7. black office looking pants and long sleeved shirt.
8. size small white audio technica headphones.
9. ipod classic/nano.
10. the new tattoo.
11. someone to help me restring my guitar.
12. someone to help me pack my room.
13. the will power to sit and do my homework.
14. the ability to forget the some past events.
15. to have courage.

last but not least.
help me stay rooted to the ground when a flood comes.
at the same time, let my leaves flow where your wind blows.

(edited.)
NOICE.

2008-09-26T00:08:00.000+08:00

AWESOMENESS IN ONE ENTRY.
(i got this from chelsea's blog. hurr.)

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favourite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mummy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the back wall,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
a man who wasn't there.

'Where's her daddy at?'
She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,'
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day.'

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mum.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

'My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart'

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favourite dress.

And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

'I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star..
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.

You see he is a soldier
And died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy
and taught brave men to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

'I know you're with me Daddy,'
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.

2008-09-25T02:23:00.003+08:00

OH MY SPARKLEHORSE!
how ive missed you.
ive been really bored lately.
its weird cause i kinda wanna be boring.
but i dont notice that im killlinggg myself with the silence.
and when i have fun.
its realllllyy. fuckingg fun.
like i could pee in my pants kind of funny.
*slaps hi-5 with angela.
hahahahahahaaaa.

BLACK LIES, WHITE LIES MANY SHADES OF GRAY LIES.
some great typography in that episode, i must sayy.

2008-09-23T22:45:00.002+08:00

i know this looks childish.
but dont you just hate LIARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS.

awesome.
please, my dear sparklehorse.
let him know that a lion is coming.
rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
watch the bitch morph into this cute little kitty.
meowwwrrrrr.
awww.
so cute.
koo-chi koo-chi!

2008-09-17T17:16:00.006+08:00

oh my sparklehorse.
you think you know, but you dont.
so easily fooled you are.
but ive been silly.
still am actually.
to think id actually work through this.

THE I-WANT LIST!(:

1 . guitar capo. (it doesnt have to be this particular brand or anything.)

2 . ipod nano or ipod classic!

3 . someone to restring my acoustic guitar.

4 .

2008-09-14T15:55:00.002+08:00

oh my sparklehorse,

forget my last post!
nothing could make me more upset than what i found out on friday night.
my anger had to be controlled because of who was speaking to me.
if it wasnt her.
if i was alone.
if i want meeting anyone else after that.
i think i could have hit something.
i was sooo frustrated!
but i filed this up, and put the folder on the shelf.
and i forget i put it there.
went for a wedding.
i was superrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hyper.
why?
i was upset thats why.
this is me.
im super hyper and funny when im upset.
no ideaaaa whhy.
soooo weird right.

and maybe cause i was sooo tired.
and my pride refused to let me let it all out.
and wont you get scared if a generally happy person cried infront of you?
PAISEH FOR THE PERSON RIGHTT!
okay nevermind.
i wanted to talk to father jj.
but he was free.
that was a good thing.
cause then i could go and meet fuckerface for closure.
i got an unsatisfying answer for one side and one great closure.
noow its just the moment to go to father.
im feeling so much better my sparklehorse.
and i would like to thank the 2nd awesomest joanne for being there.
and the 1st awesomest God for guiding me.
and my sparklehorse.

2008-09-10T15:00:00.002+08:00

and you shall be my sparklehorse.

my dear sparklehorse,

i am annoyed.
VERY annoyed.
and i have not gotten over it.
i hate myself for this.
he is not a bad person.
i get so disgusted by simple things.
and shit happens and its a total turn off.
i hate myself for not being able to forgive him
i am not jealous.
and i am not feeling like the say-im-not-jealous-but-really-is kind today.
i just am not.
but i really hate to see her go through with what i did.
nnot that saying she confirm would.
but just being cautious.
there was a point in time where i told her loads of things.
she told me loads of things as well.
but she didnt tell me this.
she knew it.
why didnt she tell me.

or do you think i really am jealous?
hah. no way man.
way?
nooooo way.
the disgust really ooverpowers it all.
gosh.
i was sooooo blind.

oh my sparklehorse,
i am STILL blind.
pretending to see.
knocking into the corners of tables.
looking for the table of plenty.

oh my sparklehorse, find me the table of plenty.

<3

2008-07-13T15:33:00.001+08:00

Thump Thump Thump
Such a beautiful sound
The sound that shows life
The heart

Thump Thump Thump
Showing signs of life
As it gently pumps
The soothing sound putting me to sleep

Thump Thump Thump
All through the years
From young to old
Never stopping

Thump Thump Thump
Nearing the end
As the owner lays on the death bed
I put my ear to your chest

Thump Thump Thump
Listening to that beautiful sound
The sound that shows life
As it gently fades away

Silence
As it finally rests
And takes a break
Forevermore silent

Heart by ~ XBloodyxSilenceX
http://xbloodyxsilencex.deviantart.com/art/Heart-90987505

2008-06-25T01:06:00.002+08:00

unbelievable.
i shall say it again, unbelievable.

"i dont know what to say!
i hope im not leading you on.
i just dont feel the same way.
sorry."

different ways of saying it.
same bloody meaning.
x3.

i am sooo flattered.
but im thinking could it really be?
no way.
thats why i say,
unbelievable.
i do not belive it.
no, not that i CHOOSE not to,
its just not.
and i know it.
thats just it.
everyone else has gott to be lying.
or they think they are saying whats right cause they dont know whats right.
that must be it.

unbelievable.

2008-05-31T02:34:00.002+08:00

the most embarrassing thing happened at city hall mrt today.
this fella and his i dont know girlfriend or was it girl friend
were kind of looking at me and i thought why they looking uh!
and i realised i was looking at them as well.
and hmmm.
the guy looked a lot like naz, my friend from school.
and i looked at the girl net to him.
heyyyyy.
she looks like naz's girlfriend!
oh wow.
so i sauntered over to them and said (loudly):
" eh nazzzz! halllerrrrrmak. what you doing man."
and when i was 10 steps away from them,
i turned and ran.
yes, you know that long sleeved shirt he wears which is dark blue on the sleeve but the chest and back are is grey.
exact same shirt.
yes, those kinda jeans, damn tight at the thighs but not so tight at the calf?
exact same jeans.
next at the girl next to him.
naz girlfriend has or had the sammmmme haircut. and is alsoooo alllmost taller than naz.
justtttt like the girl at city hall.
but no. and i walked nearer, he turned his face and hmmm.
naz is a bit chubbier.
SHIT.
i knowe.
this kinda things only happen on ME.
why.
these things only happen to me.

2008-05-30T01:55:00.001+08:00

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

2008-05-21T21:39:00.001+08:00

sentosa was fun,
camp was fun.

all nasty cockroaches should
burn in hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll..!!!

2008-05-01T14:26:00.002+08:00

i know i know.
i failed.
but that doesnt mean im not gonna pass the second time round!
july 2nd.
i will make it.
by june next year. for sure.
then il get my bike license.
i keep thinking of vespas.
which are ULTRA cool.
nice girly helmet.
haha. imagine if i pillen my friend.
a guy.
a guy on a pink girly bike.
oh, i keep picturing me riding m vespa.
DAMMIT.
if only my mom would not mind.

2008-03-25T18:28:00.002+08:00

I JUST HAD THE MOST FUN I COULD HAVE IN THE MORNING.
goodness? things only started happening at 3am.
sorry to say, it was much more fun than my recent clubbing experiences.
shucks!
i just wanna go club with them more now.
but i know debby would never come to an indian club!
and neither will the rest of my friends.
DAMMIT.
all right.
singapore is small.
why do these people know HIMMM.
darrrn.

2008-03-06T02:57:00.000+08:00

CHECK THIS OUT.

http://girlsonariot.livejournal.com

shop till you drop la right.

2008-03-04T14:13:00.002+08:00

i've got it all planned.
now baby, its just sticking to the plan.

i just realised im in love with debra alicia anne ng!
i must be.
haha, till old and wrinkly debby!
shes my boo she is.
came way before chris, she did.
i just never realised.
I LOVE YOU DEBBY!

2008-03-04T00:47:00.002+08:00

CLOSURE.